9. the worst

While I was out Jeremy called my apartment phone today, I don’t know how he got the number, it’s listed but in Colin’s name. He spoke to Colin! He acted like he was a potential client and Colin unknowingly gave him my new cell number. He called me this afternoon. It was totally out of the blue. when I heard his voice my whole body went cold.

I was on the elliptical with my headphones on and I never should have picked up, but I didn’t see the incoming number in time. I’m not used to this stupid new phone and it didn’t occur to me that Jeremy could have the number anyway. He apologized for calling my house but he said he really wanted to know what I thought of his film.  And that he really missed talking to me.

I got really pissed off and I told him that I didn’t want to speak to him and he needed to stop calling me and get a life. Not very original, I know, but I’m not at my most articulate when I’m upset.

After I hung up the phone I had that weird trembling feeling inside. And everyone around me was staring. He is forcing me to go ahead and do it. I’m going to have to report what he did and try to have him arrested or he won’t ever leave me alone. Maybe he won’t stop even if I do have him arrested. And the police will want to know why I waited so long. And Colin will want to know why I never told him. I can hear him. Why I wouldn’t trust him enough to confide in him?

Colin will never trust me again. It will never be quite the same between us after this comes out. And what if I have Jeremy arrested and he gets out and goes crazy and tries to kill me? Or, worse, kill Colin?

I just want to run away. Leave everything behind and live somewhere else as someone else. Not an option, I guess. Christ. What am I going to do?