5. hermit crab

3 more voicemail messages today from Jeremy. I had to keep the phone turned on for work. Thank god for caller ID. I didn’t pick up. Of course.

I can’t make myself leave the apartment. I made Colin go out and get me milk and Cheerios, the staple foods of my existence. I got a call to work a couple of days in the office of an ad agency next week. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I told them I would be at their office on Tuesday. Tomorrow night is Colin’s night off and he wants to go to see a movie. I really don’t want to leave the apartment at all. Colin is trying to be patient and gentle with me, since I’ve been acting like such a psycho, and I have not been dealing with it very well. I sort of snapped at him today. Not really bad, but some stupid small thing like not hanging up the wet bath mat. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. It’s getting to me. Poor Colin.

This morning the last message from Jeremy was him asking me to meet him for lunch at this Mexican restaurant near the NYU film building. Oddly, it’s one of my favorites and he couldn’t possibly know that. But it’s a popular place, so maybe it’s not that odd. But…meet him for lunch? What the hell does this guy think? How could he be this crazy?

How could I be this crazy? After I got that message I called Sprint and had my cell phone shut off. That wasn’t such a great decision. How am I going to explain that to Colin? I guess I’ll say I’ve been meaning to switch services for a while now. How am I going to explain why I don’t want to keep the same number even though it’s printed on a thousand business cards?

I imagine that this is what drowning feels like. I can’t breathe and I feel like I’m sinking further and further into an abyss. I might as well call this blog “Diary of a Crazy Woman.” I need to pull myself together.